There was a Seinfeld episode where George was belaboring his choices in life, and he said something like “every choice I have ever made in my life has been wrong…” The table discussion came up with a conclusion: Do the opposite! Of course, this leads to him ordering a different lunch, similar to one a woman ordered, and he winds up “doing the opposite.” He approaches her with the line “My name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents!” She responds with a warm smile, “Hi, my name is Victoria!”
Watching this scene (way too many times) makes me reflect on my patterns, the ones that always work and the ones that seem to miss the mark by just that much… but I continue none the less! What about you? Is there a KOL, or an office receptionist, or a manager who you seem to “miss the mark” with no matter how earnestly you try? Or do you (and I) take some of our encounters way too casually when we could be more intentional?
That receptionist who seems a bit too busy, the flight attendant a bit too brusque, a KOL who seems to never pay enough attention, or the manager who seems to always have one more (discouraging/negative) thing to end our conversations with? What if you (and I) took an intentional look and decided perhaps not to do the opposite but certainly to do something different, perhaps vastly different, even if only within ourselves as we process what is happening.
Nido Qubein, president of High Point University in North Carolina, suggested to me once that my To-Do list could be radically altered if I also had a “Stop Doing List.” Then he continued that the shortest list is the most important list: the “To Be” list. George didn’t just do the opposite. He was fully present to Victoria even though he did not know her and was taking a risk.
In my coaching practice I notice so many of my clients struggle with that first step and often they too get a version of “Hi, my name is Victoria!”