Helped, Heard, or Hugged?

The book Supercommunicators: How Body Language, Situations, and Tone of Voice Create Meaning by Charles Duhigg is a great read with loads of practical applications for daily interactions. It brings up many important concepts about communication including how to adjust your responses according to the needs of the individual at that moment. It’s like “reading the room” but on the individual level and for the specific conversation at hand. Sometimes we may feel compelled to jump to solve the problem being described (guilty as charged), but that may not be what is desired.

The book discusses the “Matching Principle” which is the idea of identifying what type of conversation is happening – practical, emotional, and social identity – and responding in a way that addresses that need. By listening closely to what is really being said and asking thoughtful questions, you will identify the type of communication and the response that will best resound.

Think of yourself as a mirror to the person and it makes the application of the principle

pretty easy…

- Is the person high or low energy… match their energy

- If it’s an emotional conversation… be empathetic

- Are they being practical… share ideas for solutions

Acknowledge and validate the feelings they are sharing (particularly with an emotional conversation). Use your active listening skills to demonstrate you are engaged in the conversation. Let them take the lead on where the conversation goes so the communication doesn’t break down.

Sometimes this can be complex and may require just an acknowledgement of what you’ve heard and a request to understand what they need from you.

Perhaps it’s a hug…

         Could be a solution…

                      Maybe they just need someone to listen…